[This post brought to you from the North Pole.] Brrrr, it's c-c-cold in here!
Okay, so I'm not really at the North Pole. It's too far away, has no internet access and hello, it's way too cold there. Only crazy people go there to explore. However it feels like I'm working at the North Pole (Was that a penguin that just waddled by?) because all week it has been freezing in my office building. I swear I'm cold-blooded because I will literally wear jeans and a sweatshirt in the middle of the summer. Okay, you can stop laughing now. All the older women around here say it's because I have no body fat (they're always complaining it's hot because they're going through the change), but I'm ALWAYS cold even when others are comfortable.
So you can imagine my distress when the temperature dropped enough that even said menopausal women in my office building were running around in bulky sweaters, and taking more smoke breaks than usual just to get outside into the blistering heat and away from the frigid office. Yes, as I type this I can't feel my fingers. I seriously thought about bringing my big ski jacket up here to keep warm. No, I'm not exaggerating how cold it is in here. It is REALLY COLD. I keep flashing to Bruce Willis' line in The Fifth Element, "Negative. I am a meat popsicle."
Today I found out why someone thought it would be a good idea to turn the thermostat down as low as possible - there was a diesel spill on the floor above us in their maintenance room. Wait, what?! Did I hear that right?! Yep. A diesel spill. So to counteract the fumes that were wafting around, the building staff decided to turn on the AC full blast and put giant blowers in all of the lobbies. Understandable because we did notice a funny smell a few days ago, but now it smells weird (lightheadedness? check.) and we're all freezing our butts off. I realize that the potential fact that the building could catch fire is more critical than losing feeling in one's extremities, but if that happened, at least we'd be nice and warm. Just saying.
My method of keeping warm in this harsh environment has been copious amounts of coffee - I actually lost count at how many cups I've had - and OCD-like hand washing. Yes, my co-workers are beginning to give me concerned glances because it seems every 5 minutes I'm in the ladies room washing my hands in scalding water. I've tried explaining that I'm only doing it to keep warm, but then they just nod their heads in agreement as if they know I'm not being honest with myself. You know the look that says, "Poor Kate. She can't even admit she has a problem." I'm not OCD, I'm COLD! And I just happen to like keeping my desk neat! It's not like I'm muttering, "Out damn spot, out!" while scrubbing. Sheesh.
We're not allowed to bring space heaters or heating pads due to the possible fire hazzard. Again I say, would that be such a bad thing? But maybe I need to find another way to keep my fingers from getting frostbite. Perhaps I could bring gloves to work, but that would probably make typing difficult. As I brush ice crystals off of my shoulders, I fantasize about hot tubs, saunas, roller derby warm-ups and the triple digit weather outside. I would be out there right now except they'd notice I wasn't at my nice, neat desk. With my color-coded folders (Hey, I went to school for art. I like colors. Sue me.) and everything in its spot.... I guess I could get some of those hand warmers that hunters use, the pocket-sized pouches that heat up when exposed to air. If I sit on my hands that works, but then again I can't type. And it actually makes me look like I'm not busy at all. I need my job security, so even if I'm not busy, I am good at looking that way. Um, just don't tell anyone, m'kay?
I am hoping that tomorrow will be the last day I have to endure this deep freeze. I am going to bring an extra sweater, wear some closed toe shoes and probably bring a blanket from home. Anything to keep my teeth from chattering and my brain activity stopping due to the mind-numbing cold. That would also solve my hand washing problem. Because the last thing I need is for more people to look at me strangely.
No comments:
Post a Comment